One of the nice things about blogging is that you can look back and find out where you were at any point in your past. About a year ago, I wrote about feeling completely out of tune with myself, what I wanted, and what my goals were.
Over the past several days, new ambitions have emerged for me. While I am not yet ready to discuss the details, the foggy ideas and maybes I’ve been toying with concerning my professional life have not only become clear, but they are bright and shiny. Prospects are emerging. And I inadvertently discovered a new passion simply by working out with a friend.
I am also on a quest to achieve total wellness for myself. I’m working with a brilliant and wonderful “coach” who is going to help me learn new things about myself, my behaviors, and ways to achieve various goals I have set. Again, not ready to fully indulge you with details, but do stay tuned, because in time, I absolutely will share this with you.
When I think about how I’ve gotten to this point, I believe it’s because I simply let go a little bit. Being a control freak was something that I had to actively work to overcome. It was a shortcoming that I learned about several years ago during marital therapy (which didn’t do squat for the marital, but I learned tremendous lessons for myself). Over the past year, I’ve just let things unfold. I had to have faith and confidence that I would figure things out. There would be no more scrambling for ideas and answers. No more diving face-first into short-term solutions without thinking them through.
Last night I ran my ideas past Geekface and asked him to “devil’s advocate the shit out of them.” I want to make sure that my enthusiasm isn’t overshadowing a glaring hurdle or shortcoming in these ideas. We talked, and he asked good questions. Questions that I had solutions for. He’s on board, and he’s excited, also. Having his support and enthusiasm makes this ambition grow even more.
My goal within my goals has been to repair, fulfill, challenge, and grow all aspects of my life, to learn from the past and make the present and future better. To objectively evaluate what is going on in my world, and how to improve it, if it needs improving. How to accept it if it doesn’t. How to productively, not critically examine myself and my goals. I figured out what I don’t want. I figured out what isn’t good for me. Once I achieved that, I was able to clarify what I do want and need. I’ve learned how to identify cycles of complacency more quickly than before. I’ve learned that sometimes your ideas change. I’ve learned to be more objective and less punishing.
I’m excited about my new ventures. I can’t wait to embark on the steps that will get me there, to share my frustrations, challenges, and achievements here, too. I feel inspired by these prospects, and I wonder if may that is really the true nature of what DTU is supposed to be. Not that I won’t continue to ponder the “big” questions, but that is also a part of the totality of me. Part of my own wholeness, my wellness also depends on asking and engaging in the discussions we have here. Thank you for contributing to my wellness.
“Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind, withering my intuition, missing opportunities, and I must feed my will to feel my moment, drawing way outside the lines.” ~MJK (TOOL, “Lateralus” )
Good luck! Self-examination and acting on the results can be a tricky business, but you seem to have a good foil in Geekface and you seem to have set a good foundation for the changes to come.
Thank you, Sir!
Similarly, I have learned never to drink 2 Manhattans and a bottle of wine. It’s like we’re twins!
BAHAHA! Everything has a lesson in it, yes?
Oh, joy. This really makes me unbelievably excited for you. And how wonderful that you now have a detailed log of various points in your life and that you can look back at just a year ago and see how far you’ve come.
I’m beyond ecstatic for all the developments in your life right now. And the fact that you are so passionate about pursuing them is just one of the reasons I think you may have found your calling. Also? Love LOVE that your partner is so incredibly supportive. Can’t wait to see what’s just ahead for you. Oh, and don’t forget about BlogHer 2013
Chi-town, here WE COME!!!
Thank you, my dear. As always, your support warms my heart. xoxo
I have had a couple of these moments in my life. The first one I called Embracing Mediocrity. Basically, it was me giving myself permission NOT to be “the best.” Or do “the most.” Or simply to eschew those parasitic superlatives that fester in boils on my happiness. It was amazing. I’d been a type A neurotic since the day I came into this world. Most of all of my failures were from burning myself out, coming in second, not winning something, those kinds of things. I decided that my definition of failure was going to change. My new definition of failure is not trying, not laughing, not having fun, not loving myself.
My second moment I call “Whatthefuckever.” That happened when my husband was diagnosed with MS. All of a sudden, everything I’d constantly kept such a tight leash on just did NOT seem to matter anymore. Careers, financial success beyond what is required to do the things that make us happy, forcing my kids’ education into a standardized box, forcing my body into a manmade version of beautiful.
From now until forever, my focus is on happiness. Mine and my husband’s. Making sure I give my children the emotional support they need in order to figure out what makes them happy. And if I find myself too bogged down in tediousness, or questioning my motivations for something that is zapping my spirit, I stop. Walk away. And ask myself if the end result would make me happy. If not, fuck it. Whattthefuckever. Next page.
I’m pretty happy right now. And it’s fantastic to see you excited and making things happen
I had the same revelations, only they were in the opposite order. I stopped trying to force my “happiness” to come from the things the rest of the world told me I should want. Then came the permission to cut myself some slack. And we’re always taught that success or happiness comes with hard work, dedication. What they don’t tell you is that that dedication can be toward these kinds of philosophies you and I are talking about here. It doesn’t automatically mean working a 60 hour work week, never taking vacation or sick time, keeping up with the Joneses, etc. I don’t ever expect (or want) to be wealthy (in financial terms). Like you said, I want to be sure I can always support myself and be comfortable and happy. I don’t need some sprawling estate. That’s just too many rooms to friggin’ vacuum.